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Gett up in the middle of the night

John S

New member
An 80 year old man goes for a physical. All of his tests come back with normal results.The doctor says, "Ron, everything looks great. How are you doing? mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with God?"

Ron replies, "God and I are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so He's fixed it so when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, poof! The light goes on. When I'm done, poof! The light goes off."

"Wow, that's incredible," the doctor says.

A little later in the day, the doctor calls Ron's wife. "Penny," he says, "Ron is doing fine! But I had to call you because I'm in awe of his relationship with God. Is it true that he gets up during the night, and poof! the light goes on in the bathroom, and when he's done, poof! the light goes off?”

"Oh sweet Jesus!” she exclaims. "He's pissin' in the refrigerator again
 

johnsmith

Moderator
Staff member
A family friend of mine was once so drunk he really did piss in the refrigerator .. a lifelong alcoholic ..
 

HBS Guy

Head Honcho
Staff member
There is a Col Elliot joke;

Bloke goes to a party and has a few drinks, then to another and another. In the last one he found that they had a golden toilet. The next morning he passes a house and the door seems familiar, it was the door of the house with the golden toilet!

He goes up, knocks on the door and a woman answers. “Excuse me love” said the party goer “But do you have a golden toilet?”

The woman looked at him, turned around and shouted “Harry, here is the guy that shit in your tuba!”
 

johnsmith

Moderator
Staff member

I'll give him one thing though ... no matter how drunk, or what time he went to bed, he NEVER missed a single day off work. Not once in the 40 years that I have known him has he ever called in sick because he was hungover .... and we're talking about a guy who would polish off a full case of beer on his own in a about an hour ..... several times a day.
 

SethBullock

Moderator
Staff member
I have a friend who told me he got drunk and went to bed. After a while he woke up with a need to pee. Still drunk, and not wanting to turn on a light and disturb his sleeping wife he tried to find his way to the master bathroom. When his wife started screaming at him and turned on a light, he found that he was peeing on the foot of the bed.
 

DonDeeHippy

Active member
my dad about 20 years ago stopped drinking, one morning he realized every thing he had ever done in his adult life that he was ashamed of, involved the grog so he stopped.. he used to drink a lot....
 

HBS Guy

Head Honcho
Staff member
Slightly differently—my maternal grandfather had a fair bit of lung removed—never smoked after that. My childhood memory was of puffing. When he came out here aged 84 I noticed he did breathe more deeply than normal but not like I remembered. He never stopped drinking tho.
 

MilesAway

Bongalong
I'll give him one thing though ... no matter how drunk, or what time he went to bed, he NEVER missed a single day off work. Not once in the 40 years that I have known him has he ever called in sick because he was hungover .... and we're talking about a guy who would polish off a full case of beer on his own in a about an hour ..... several times a day.
Andre the giant doesn't drink that much!
 
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